For it is true we learn by example.

I was thinking the other morning about how long have I have been helping girls who are pregnant. And you will not believe what came to mind.

An old cinder block building.

It sat in back of our house. It was the summer before my 7th grade. The building had a washer inside and the windows were open holes without glass panes. My Mama thought this would be a great place to put my radio an the few records I owned.

My girlfriends on the block would come over and we would practice our dance moves. We were a bunch of misfits enjoying the summer. Each girl was coming of age in her own way. One was shy and bookish, her sister enjoyed playing ball, another loved singing but hated her glasses, and one always suffered from her home perm given by her aunt.

And then there was Pam & me. She visited with her grandparents in the summer. She & I just clinked. We seemed to have grown into little barbie dolls over night. Pam could do all the new dances. And took great pride in teaching us. I knew we were different by the way the older boys always wanted to walk with us or talk with us. I saw no use in boys since at the time I had 5 younger brothers. I could not imagine what older boys could offer that I might want! It was summer and we were free and dancing the days away in that cinder block building.

Near the end of summer I started to notice that Pam did not walk across the field to our home. Looking back I guess Mama noticed, because out of the blue one day she walked out the back door, through the field, across the road and up onto Pam’s grandparents front porch. I stared in disbelief while hanging out the clothes. I could not imagine what my Mama would be doing at their house.

Then Mama walked back across the street, though field and straight to our back door. She paused on the top step and looked at me. Then she said, “Pam is pregnant.” I just stood there, clothes pins attached to my shirt, in my hand a wet diaper waiting to go on the line and I am sure the most confused look Mama ever saw on my face. Pam could not be pregnant. She was only a couple of years older than me. But as I slowly hung up the clothes I would sneak a peek across the field. By the time I had finished the words had become real. Pam is pregnant.

I would love to say that I grew that summer and became Pam’s best friend, but I did not. She never came over and when school started my thoughts went other places.

One day when I came home I saw Mama out back talking with Pam. She would hand Mama the clothes pins as they moved down the line. Every now and then stopping to laugh. She still looked the same from the back, but when she turned around her belly surprised me. I stood by the window wondering how she was doing.

After all my brothers went to bed that night, I asked Mama why they were laughing. She did not share much, but said Pam would come over during the day and they would keep each other company. Now, I realize the importance of those months. Back then your parents would not let you be friends with a young, single, pregnant girl. Pam must have felt very lonely though out her pregnancy. My Mama, the mother of 6 children, was reaching out to Pam. And my Mama knew about loneliness. During those moments of laughter and quiet talks Mama was giving love. She was offering her emotional & physical support along with sugar biscuits and weak coffee. Sharing in jokes about her children and the reality of life with a baby.

I barely remember when Pam gave birth. We moved not long after that and I never saw her again.

Now almost 38 years later I remember my Mama & Pam with a tenderness that surprises even me. And I can see without my knowing it, how that friendship opened up a place in my heart. I was not my Mama easiest child, more like her toughest one. But I think she would be happy to know that I remember this time in our life together. That I learned something about compassion from her. And to know she was the sign I stood behind that summer and watched her give love to pregnant women in need.

Let God’s Grace shine! Offer yourself to a Mom.

And if you are lucky, God might give you a Pam to love.